[ Honestly she's not even sure what she's doing out here. Following Sasuke into the pleasure district of all places really hits her in the heart harder than it should be she reminds herself of what she needs reminding of.
This isn't for me. It's for her. The young one she's left sleeping alone in her apartment--but not for long, she won't leave her for long. Just enough to make sure she's fallen asleep and just in case she wakes up, with a little note and plate of snacks promising her swift return.
She read it somewhere.
She's been doing a lot of that lately. The day's been long and the night is seemingly dragging on, Sakura fueled by the only thing that kept her going at times. Except now it wasn't just for her. It was for Sarada's sake as well!
Her patience has thinned and instead of waiting for Sasuke to address her, she throws a kunai down into the ground directly in his path with enough force to crack the concrete. Not a threatening gesture no matter how it looks but one definitely meant to get his attention while she remains high atop one of the buildings nearby.
Now he can come talk to her like a normal person or... well, he better hope she doesn't have to get down from there and pursue him. Not tonight of all nights. ]
[ He's fast growing sick of CERES' antics -this whole "meet our associate in the one place Sasuke would prefer to avoid" is getting really old, really fast. Why they can't pick someone who wants to meet in the park instead? Why is it always the pleasure district? It used to just be irritating, but now it's a reminder of things he really doesn't want to think about.
A future wife he doesn't want. A child he doesn't have it in him to care for.
It's frustrating, and the distraction is almost enough that the kunai that embeds itself in the concrete in front of him makes him pause, snapping him out of his thoughts. The image is a familiar one, long buried in memory, only instead of striking a wall, this one is in the ground, and there's no shattered Uchiha crest beneath it. She's fortunate he didn't respond with shuriken, but given the trajectory, it wasn't meant to threaten or injure.
Sigh. This is not how he wants to spend his night, but fine, he'll take the bait this time, using his rinnegan to put him just out of her arm's reach, but within chidori's range if need be. ]
This had better be important.
[ Because I don't want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary. ]
[ There's no gentle apprehension in her tone. In fact, if it could be described as anything, it was that it was the calm before the storm. It's been an emotional day but she does what she can to keep her own under wraps. ]
I met Sarada today. [ Addressing her by name just in case he denied her, Sakura waits to see his reaction alone to the name. To her presence.
To Sakura being here now to talk to him about her. ]
[ She's one of the last people he wants to deal with, but after everything else today, he isn't surprised she's here. And technically speaking, he had agreed to talk to her if she got out of his way in ViViD. Had he known what else would come of the day, though, he might not have bothered.
But now she's here, and there's no sense in trying to run when she'd just find him later anyway. Best to get this done and over with, so that he can say he kept his part of the agreement. And then she has to lay down the reason she's there.
His jaw tenses at the sound of the kid's name, and while there isn't any outward showing of emotion or interest beyond that, he wishes he'd just said 'fuck it' and ran. He doesn't know how to deal with any of this. Even being there with Sakura standing in front of him is awkward, because now he knows that somehow that's what's in store for him, and he doesn't like it one bit. ]
That's nice. I don't want to talk about it.
[ Yeah, as if that's going to get him off the hook. ]
[ She knows and really, if there were any other way about it, she wouldn't be here. It's hard facing Sasuke on her own when it came to other matters but this one involved their future. Together. It wouldn't be right to make every decision without his say but it's also not right to force him into speaking about it at all. ]
I-[ Her voice cracks at the single letter, Sakura knowing already that this was going to be a difficult conversation for them. This isn't about her so why start with a statement that makes it about her?
Each word has to be chosen carefully. Instead of announcing that she knew, she instead would fixate on his actions. Make him see how he was treating the situation for himself. ] Yes, you've made that aware.
Coming here to convince you otherwise wasn't the intent. I'm not going to make false promises or act like a child because right now I have to be something else. [ A mother. ] It's important I draw that distinction now before you mistake it for anything else.
[ What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' does she not understand? He doesn't want to discuss this, because he doesn't want to accept it. If he accepts it, then it means... something, he hasn't quite figured that part out yet. But he's only seventeen. He's not ready to be a father, he doesn't even know how. ]
Then why are you here?
[ There's no anger or animosity in the words. In fact, despite appearances, it's taking a lot to be able to look at her right now, because there is a kid, their kid, and it's hard to acknowledge that without acknowledging that something happened to bring that kid about.
Why does he always end up in these situations when he's here? Why is it always the stupid pleasure district? ]
I'm here to tell you that I'm going to handle it on my own. [ It's a harsh statement, one that can easily invite him into an argument should he choose to feel provoked by it, but also one that freed him.
Absolved him of all responsibility. Of any possible guilt and concern he would have for a member of his clan. ]
It isn't a ban but from what I've been reading, a child needs stability. [ And Sasuke, you're pretty damn unstable. ] So I'm going to take care of her.
[ She wants to admit she doesn't understand what it's like to be without parents but she's seen the pain in their eyes. Both Sasuke and Naruto had no one there while she had both of her own to hold her hand through every accomplishment and while she wished she had them right now to help her through this ordeal, this was a challenge she felt she had to take up. ]
[ Is she for real? Is she seriously threatening him? Over a kid that he would willingly hand over to her because he doesn't know how to speak to or act around or be anything other than distant to? He'd probably find it funny if it wasn't so...
Okay, it's sad. ]
Sakura, I didn't do anything to hurt her.
[ ...except basically tell her that he doesn't see any reason for him to like her mother. There was nothing he said to Sarada that he hadn't said to Sakura's face, and he never laid a hand on her. ]
Whether you actually believe that or not is up to you.
[ Great, now he's put her in a strange position. Does she put aside years of believing in Sasuke for a child she's only just met or does she take the side of the little girl who made unbelievable claims right from the start? ]
You know I do believe you, Sasuke-kun. [ Of course. In the face of her feelings, she deflates a little. ]
It's just... it's just that you have a way of hurting people without realizing it.
[ Talk about putting people in a strange position. On one hand, he wants to tell her to take the kid and have a nice life. On the other, if that kid is his, it's the only actual family he has and he doesn't want to give that up so easily.
This is not an easy conversation. Not in the slightest. ]
A girl shows up out of wherever it is that CERES pulls them from, wearing my family's crest, going by my name, insisting that I'm supposed to be missing an arm, calling me--
[ His voice falters, unable to even say the word she'd used. Papa. He can't even wrap his mind around it, so instead he backpedals and rephrases. ]
--saying I'm her--
[ He still can't do it. If he says it, he's half afraid that he'll want to believe it, so it's easier to deny it by not giving voice to it. ]
--and claiming that you're her mother, and I'm supposed to just accept this as if it's an everyday occurrence. She said something about losing an arm during the war, but the war is over, and eyes aside, I'm still in one piece. For all I know, she could be something that escaped from one of Orochimaru's labs with false memories.
[ He's not trying to argue this, really he's not. He's trying to be rational about it, and without any sort of evidence to the contrary aside from what Sarada says, he's finding the whole thing difficult to swallow. ]
[ Through all of that, he didn't once deny the girl. Sakura catches onto that and while she wants to pursue the course, she knows better than to push something on someone when they're confused. There are things he hasn't seen--words he has yet to say--so she needs to bring back balance into his life.
Keep him steady.
Then in his own time, he'll come to see things in a whole other light.
Her fingers flex at her side, itching to curl up into a fist and just destroy something while at the same time she wants to just cry at him. If there's one thing she has learned however it's that her tears don't work with him. ]
Sasuke-kun. [ She says his name gently as if to make a feeble attempt at getting his attention. If he's consumed by whatever it is that fills his heart right now, there's a good chance he won't hear her. ]
Naruto and you... um, you both lose a hand. [ Holding up one and pointing towards him to indicate which one he loses, then the other to indicate Naruto. When together, it's as if they could be side by side. ] I arrived here after I stabilized you both from the massive amount of blood you've lost.
I, I know it's hard to believe but Naruto! He's here so you should ask him to show you. [ He looked older, now that she recalls. ]
Right now it must feel as if everyone is out to prove you wrong but we're not. No one wants to hurt you, Sasuke-kun--and if they do, I'll beat the snot out of them.
I'm not asking him anything, and it's not as if I'm not perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I kill people for a living.
[ She's not supposed to reaffirm the loss of an arm, she's supposed to say that no, it's not right. That everything is all wrong and he's not going to end up physically maimed for the rest of his life. That-- dammit, that's his dominant hand, too! But maybe she's wrong. Maybe her memories aren't right. Maybe she's just trying to help the kid's story.
And maybe if he closes his eyes, clicks his heels, and says "There's no place like home" over and over again, he'll go back home to a point in time when his family was alive and well.
Yeah. Right. As much as he doesn't want to believe her words, even Lee had said he was from after the war and back in Konoha. She just got here. She wouldn't have had time to corroborate stories with him, let alone Sarada as well. The chances of this being a lie are slim.
It's kind of sickening, really. He'll have to confirm it with Naruto (despite saying otherwise) -after beating the shit out of him for making him lose an arm, apparently, and for going away that time, and for coming back- but for now... ]
I can't do this.
[ Not 'don't want to', 'can't'. Because he doesn't know how. Losing an arm is one thing, because he knows he's perfectly capable of using his right just as well as his left, but it solidifies Sarada's story, and even if there was a way to test it, he's not stupid -that little girl is his. There isn't anybody else she could belong to.
And that's the problem. Nothing in his life thus far even hinted at how to deal with being a parent. Sakura's more stable in that respect than he is, because she's at least had someone in her life that she could use as a base, but there isn't anyone he could even look to for a general guideline. His own father was distant toward him and doted on Itachi, and even though his mom had said he'd only spoken about Sasuke when she was alone with him, he didn't see it or know what was said, so it didn't count. His brother was the worst possible role-model he could think of unless he wanted to know how to effectively hide things from her and make her hate him. Who else is there? Kakashi? No, thanks. Orochimaru? Oh, hell no. Obito and Madara? He might as well slit his own throat right now than even consider considering them. ]
She can stay with you, that's fine. I'm... [ not cut out to be a father to anybody anyway. ] not going to argue that.
[ There's a bit of a recoil when he tells her of that. It wasn't as if she forgot he was a criminal but whenever she looked at him the way he was now (helpless), it was as if the Sasuke who committed those kind of acts was an entirely different person. Just as she had trouble accepting him as a criminal before when she was young, loyal, and so in love.
I can't do this. Neither can she but here she is. Giving it her all.
It irritates her a little that he's not willing to try but before she can blurt that out, he gives her what she came here for: permission. That was all she needed. ]
Thank you. [ She's not going to push any harder. Now that she has that out of the way, she can just walk off and leave him... right? That's what she should do.
Her feet won't move. It must be some kind of technique she's never seen him use before on her, right? It can't be that she's paralyzed in fear and incapable of leaving him alone when he's vulnerable. ]
Um. [ Chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully, it's obvious she wants to say something more but fears the repercussions. There are tests they can do to determine if she was their child and not some thing (how could he even call her that) out of a lab. That he didn't have to go through this alone because she was also going through it as well.
Instead there's only one thing she can think about beyond Sarada. I'm sorry.]
I'm sorry for everything up 'til now. [ Having to push him so hard today. For her lovesick remarks as a child. For all those times she almost gave up on him. ]
[ Why is she thanking him and apologizing to him? She didn't do anything. In fact, she's doing what he should be doing and accepting things as they are instead of questioning everything because he doesn't know how to deal with them. So he's running. It's something he's good at, and he's had years of experience.
At the same time, though, this hurts. Five years earlier, he'd insisted that what he wanted was to kill his brother and revive his clan. Over time, reviving his clan had been one of those things that had fallen by the wayside, not only in favor of revenge, but in favor of a bond he hadn't sought out or wanted at all. He'd thought he'd severed it (except for Naruto), but it wound up coming right back with Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin: that of a makeshift family. Now that his revenge was pretty much over and done with, he didn't really have anything else besides that (well, that and his idea of becoming a tyrant his idea of a Hokage.)
Today, he'd found a bond that didn't have to be a makeshift anything -an actual familial tie, something he'd wanted so badly... and not even twenty-four hours later, he's letting it go. Not because he really wants to, but because he has to. There's no way he can be what she needs, and it hurts even worse than when he'd lost everything before, because unlike the rest of his family, Sarada is still alive. ]
Just... don't.
[ He couldn't look at her before, but there's no way he can now, instead fixing his attention anywhere but on her. If there is any one thing that he absolutely will not show front of her, even if he has to bite his lip until it bleeds to distract himself from it, it's tears.
CERES will be really lucky if he doesn't up and kill their third party delivery man just to get rid of this feeling. Kill him, maybe take out whatever girl that's hanging on him, and then hunt down Naruto just for the satisfaction of punching him in the face. With a hand that he still has. ]
[ Someday in his future he'll repeat those words back to her and it will erase all of the pain she feels in this very moment. Until then, she just has to be patient and bear it. That's what she told Sarada earlier and it would be unfair to make her do it all by herself. ]
If you need to know the truth without doubt... [ Her voice is meek, as if she doesn't want to openly admit the possibility herself but she feels he has the right to ask this of her. ] I can run a test without her knowing.
[ Whenever he needs to know. ] Just contact me whenever you're ready, okay?
[ With that, she knows she shouldn't linger so she turns to head off, hesitating just in case there was something else. It was Sasuke so it was likely that their conversation was done with for now... but was it? Her heart beats loud in her chest, filling her ears as she waits for something (anything) from him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ACTION | 7/8, late night
This isn't for me. It's for her. The young one she's left sleeping alone in her apartment--but not for long, she won't leave her for long. Just enough to make sure she's fallen asleep and just in case she wakes up, with a little note and plate of snacks promising her swift return.
She read it somewhere.
She's been doing a lot of that lately. The day's been long and the night is seemingly dragging on, Sakura fueled by the only thing that kept her going at times. Except now it wasn't just for her. It was for Sarada's sake as well!
Her patience has thinned and instead of waiting for Sasuke to address her, she throws a kunai down into the ground directly in his path with enough force to crack the concrete. Not a threatening gesture no matter how it looks but one definitely meant to get his attention while she remains high atop one of the buildings nearby.
Now he can come talk to her like a normal person or... well, he better hope she doesn't have to get down from there and pursue him. Not tonight of all nights. ]
no subject
A future wife he doesn't want. A child he doesn't have it in him to care for.
It's frustrating, and the distraction is almost enough that the kunai that embeds itself in the concrete in front of him makes him pause, snapping him out of his thoughts. The image is a familiar one, long buried in memory, only instead of striking a wall, this one is in the ground, and there's no shattered Uchiha crest beneath it. She's fortunate he didn't respond with shuriken, but given the trajectory, it wasn't meant to threaten or injure.
Sigh. This is not how he wants to spend his night, but fine, he'll take the bait this time, using his rinnegan to put him just out of her arm's reach, but within chidori's range if need be. ]
This had better be important.
[ Because I don't want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary. ]
no subject
[ There's no gentle apprehension in her tone. In fact, if it could be described as anything, it was that it was the calm before the storm. It's been an emotional day but she does what she can to keep her own under wraps. ]
I met Sarada today. [ Addressing her by name just in case he denied her, Sakura waits to see his reaction alone to the name. To her presence.
To Sakura being here now to talk to him about her. ]
no subject
But now she's here, and there's no sense in trying to run when she'd just find him later anyway. Best to get this done and over with, so that he can say he kept his part of the agreement. And then she has to lay down the reason she's there.
His jaw tenses at the sound of the kid's name, and while there isn't any outward showing of emotion or interest beyond that, he wishes he'd just said 'fuck it' and ran. He doesn't know how to deal with any of this. Even being there with Sakura standing in front of him is awkward, because now he knows that somehow that's what's in store for him, and he doesn't like it one bit. ]
That's nice. I don't want to talk about it.
[ Yeah, as if that's going to get him off the hook. ]
no subject
I-[ Her voice cracks at the single letter, Sakura knowing already that this was going to be a difficult conversation for them. This isn't about her so why start with a statement that makes it about her?
Each word has to be chosen carefully. Instead of announcing that she knew, she instead would fixate on his actions. Make him see how he was treating the situation for himself. ] Yes, you've made that aware.
Coming here to convince you otherwise wasn't the intent. I'm not going to make false promises or act like a child because right now I have to be something else. [ A mother. ] It's important I draw that distinction now before you mistake it for anything else.
no subject
Then why are you here?
[ There's no anger or animosity in the words. In fact, despite appearances, it's taking a lot to be able to look at her right now, because there is a kid, their kid, and it's hard to acknowledge that without acknowledging that something happened to bring that kid about.
Why does he always end up in these situations when he's here? Why is it always the stupid pleasure district? ]
1/2
Absolved him of all responsibility. Of any possible guilt and concern he would have for a member of his clan. ]
It isn't a ban but from what I've been reading, a child needs stability. [ And Sasuke, you're pretty damn unstable. ] So I'm going to take care of her.
[ She wants to admit she doesn't understand what it's like to be without parents but she's seen the pain in their eyes. Both Sasuke and Naruto had no one there while she had both of her own to hold her hand through every accomplishment and while she wished she had them right now to help her through this ordeal, this was a challenge she felt she had to take up. ]
Sasuke-kun, I...
no subject
Taking in a deep breath to steel herself, she forces her lips to say what needs to be said. ]
So if you hurt Sarada again, I'll take my anger out on you! I'll make sure you feel every tear that she sheds in your name.
[ .................. yeah okay Sakura, you're going to hurt Sasuke Uchiha. It's kind of funny from the outside. ]
no subject
Okay, it's sad. ]
Sakura, I didn't do anything to hurt her.
[
...except basically tell her that he doesn't see any reason for him to like her mother.There was nothing he said to Sarada that he hadn't said to Sakura's face, and he never laid a hand on her. ]Whether you actually believe that or not is up to you.
no subject
You know I do believe you, Sasuke-kun. [ Of course. In the face of her feelings, she deflates a little. ]
It's just... it's just that you have a way of hurting people without realizing it.
no subject
This is not an easy conversation. Not in the slightest. ]
A girl shows up out of wherever it is that CERES pulls them from, wearing my family's crest, going by my name, insisting that I'm supposed to be missing an arm, calling me--
[ His voice falters, unable to even say the word she'd used. Papa. He can't even wrap his mind around it, so instead he backpedals and rephrases. ]
--saying I'm her--
[ He still can't do it. If he says it, he's half afraid that he'll want to believe it, so it's easier to deny it by not giving voice to it. ]
--and claiming that you're her mother, and I'm supposed to just accept this as if it's an everyday occurrence. She said something about losing an arm during the war, but the war is over, and eyes aside, I'm still in one piece. For all I know, she could be something that escaped from one of Orochimaru's labs with false memories.
[ He's not trying to argue this, really he's not. He's trying to be rational about it, and without any sort of evidence to the contrary aside from what Sarada says, he's finding the whole thing difficult to swallow. ]
1/2
no subject
Keep him steady.
Then in his own time, he'll come to see things in a whole other light.
Her fingers flex at her side, itching to curl up into a fist and just destroy something while at the same time she wants to just cry at him. If there's one thing she has learned however it's that her tears don't work with him. ]
Sasuke-kun. [ She says his name gently as if to make a feeble attempt at getting his attention. If he's consumed by whatever it is that fills his heart right now, there's a good chance he won't hear her. ]
Naruto and you... um, you both lose a hand. [ Holding up one and pointing towards him to indicate which one he loses, then the other to indicate Naruto. When together, it's as if they could be side by side. ] I arrived here after I stabilized you both from the massive amount of blood you've lost.
I, I know it's hard to believe but Naruto! He's here so you should ask him to show you. [ He looked older, now that she recalls. ]
Right now it must feel as if everyone is out to prove you wrong but we're not. No one wants to hurt you, Sasuke-kun--and if they do, I'll beat the snot out of them.
no subject
[ She's not supposed to reaffirm the loss of an arm, she's supposed to say that no, it's not right. That everything is all wrong and he's not going to end up physically maimed for the rest of his life. That-- dammit, that's his dominant hand, too! But maybe she's wrong. Maybe her memories aren't right. Maybe she's just trying to help the kid's story.
And maybe if he closes his eyes, clicks his heels, and says "There's no place like home" over and over again, he'll go back home to a point in time when his family was alive and well.
Yeah. Right. As much as he doesn't want to believe her words, even Lee had said he was from after the war and back in Konoha. She just got here. She wouldn't have had time to corroborate stories with him, let alone Sarada as well. The chances of this being a lie are slim.
It's kind of sickening, really. He'll have to confirm it with Naruto (despite saying otherwise) -after beating the shit out of him for making him lose an arm, apparently, and for going away that time, and for coming back- but for now... ]
I can't do this.
[ Not 'don't want to', 'can't'. Because he doesn't know how. Losing an arm is one thing, because he knows he's perfectly capable of using his right just as well as his left, but it solidifies Sarada's story, and even if there was a way to test it, he's not stupid -that little girl is his. There isn't anybody else she could belong to.
And that's the problem. Nothing in his life thus far even hinted at how to deal with being a parent. Sakura's more stable in that respect than he is, because she's at least had someone in her life that she could use as a base, but there isn't anyone he could even look to for a general guideline. His own father was distant toward him and doted on Itachi, and even though his mom had said he'd only spoken about Sasuke when she was alone with him, he didn't see it or know what was said, so it didn't count. His brother was the worst possible role-model he could think of unless he wanted to know how to effectively hide things from her and make her hate him. Who else is there? Kakashi? No, thanks. Orochimaru? Oh, hell no. Obito and Madara? He might as well slit his own throat right now than even consider considering them. ]
She can stay with you, that's fine. I'm... [ not cut out to be a father to anybody anyway. ] not going to argue that.
no subject
I can't do this. Neither can she but here she is. Giving it her all.
It irritates her a little that he's not willing to try but before she can blurt that out, he gives her what she came here for: permission. That was all she needed. ]
Thank you. [ She's not going to push any harder. Now that she has that out of the way, she can just walk off and leave him... right? That's what she should do.
Her feet won't move. It must be some kind of technique she's never seen him use before on her, right? It can't be that she's paralyzed in fear and incapable of leaving him alone when he's vulnerable. ]
Um. [ Chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully, it's obvious she wants to say something more but fears the repercussions. There are tests they can do to determine if she was their child and not some thing (how could he even call her that) out of a lab. That he didn't have to go through this alone because she was also going through it as well.
Instead there's only one thing she can think about beyond Sarada. I'm sorry. ]
I'm sorry for everything up 'til now. [ Having to push him so hard today. For her lovesick remarks as a child. For all those times she almost gave up on him. ]
no subject
[ Why is she thanking him and apologizing to him? She didn't do anything. In fact, she's doing what he should be doing and accepting things as they are instead of questioning everything because he doesn't know how to deal with them. So he's running. It's something he's good at, and he's had years of experience.
At the same time, though, this hurts. Five years earlier, he'd insisted that what he wanted was to kill his brother and revive his clan. Over time, reviving his clan had been one of those things that had fallen by the wayside, not only in favor of revenge, but in favor of a bond he hadn't sought out or wanted at all. He'd thought he'd severed it (except for Naruto), but it wound up coming right back with Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin: that of a makeshift family. Now that his revenge was pretty much over and done with, he didn't really have anything else besides that (well, that and his idea of becoming
a tyranthis idea of a Hokage.)Today, he'd found a bond that didn't have to be a makeshift anything -an actual familial tie, something he'd wanted so badly... and not even twenty-four hours later, he's letting it go. Not because he really wants to, but because he has to. There's no way he can be what she needs, and it hurts even worse than when he'd lost everything before, because unlike the rest of his family, Sarada is still alive. ]
Just... don't.
[ He couldn't look at her before, but there's no way he can now, instead fixing his attention anywhere but on her. If there is any one thing that he absolutely will not show front of her, even if he has to bite his lip until it bleeds to distract himself from it, it's tears.
CERES will be really lucky if he doesn't up and kill their third party delivery man just to get rid of this feeling. Kill him, maybe take out whatever girl that's hanging on him, and then hunt down Naruto just for the satisfaction of punching him in the face. With a hand that he still has. ]
no subject
If you need to know the truth without doubt... [ Her voice is meek, as if she doesn't want to openly admit the possibility herself but she feels he has the right to ask this of her. ] I can run a test without her knowing.
[ Whenever he needs to know. ] Just contact me whenever you're ready, okay?
[ With that, she knows she shouldn't linger so she turns to head off, hesitating just in case there was something else. It was Sasuke so it was likely that their conversation was done with for now... but was it? Her heart beats loud in her chest, filling her ears as she waits for something (anything) from him. ]